Another Valentines Day Yaoi
by kuragari nikkou
Summary: Now includes old offensive original story and the new version that Hoshi wrote! Plus, it has a comic for a cover now. Also drawn by Hoshi, my OC.
1. New Version

All characters © their respective owners

-It's Valentines Day!

Hoshi: My creator apologizes for her previous story because she thinks it's blasphemous to people who still believe that Greek gods exist. Yes, that means you, hordes of Percy Jackson and the Olympians fans. So, we have decided that it is best to replace the offensive story with something less deep. Yes, THIS IS CALLED CENSORSHIP! Enjoy, you easily offended fans. And beware of the sort of yaoi in here.

-Too bad I hate chocolate.

Yes, it's that day.

The day that people (well, mostly girls) give people they love (or friends, but that's hardly the case) something really sugary that rots their teeth (chocolate) or some weeds they picked from their neighbor's yard (flowers aren't weeds; take that back!).

No, this is not Halloween.

But it is equally terrifying…

That red-haired kid from Pherae found it pretty difficult to keep up with that blonde-haired toadstool princess when it came to baking sweets. Peach, ever the romantic, ran a little shop for the girls to buy chocolates to give to their crushes. And it was always on Valentines Day when she would be absolutely swamped with those girls' demanding orders. This wasn't Roy's problem. His problem was that Peach would get so tired that she'd forget what she put in those chocolates. When it wasn't a fire flower, it was a type of poison, and when it wasn't that, it was some kind of vegetable or a bomb (man, they should've taken a picture of that girl's face when it exploded in her hands – chocolate. EV-ER-EE-WHERE) or some other ridiculous material.

He only wished to keep her stress levels down, so they don't end up with unexpected casualties that result in Master Hand getting a lawsuit. But it wasn't as if he wasn't a good cook himself. Roy always was a spoiled and picky little epicurean, but ever since Lowen, bless his heart, passed away, he never did like anyone else's cooking, so he brought it on himself to cook his own meals. Soon enough, even his father couldn't tell the difference from Lowen's cooking and Roy's cooking.

"Okay, who wanted the orange chocolates again?" Peach asked. A bunch of girls raised their hands, and the princess sighed. "Well, let's see if I've got enough for you." She smiled as she made her way towards them. The girls waited patiently as she handed them out one at a time. She turned back to face the kitchen. "Roy! You done making those cake pops yet?"

"Almost!" he yelled back to her. As soon as he said 'almost' the oven _dinged_ and he looked down. He pulled the treats out and waited for them to cool down a little bit before decorating them with icing and…whatever else people use to decorate cake pops, the author of this story ain't a baker. (Nor does she care much for the fourth wall) "I don't know why Peach doesn't let me help her hand out the stuff. It'd go a lot faster." He said to himself aloud. He wrapped them up in plastic and tied them off with colorful ribbons before he went off to bake the other sweets.

"They're _killing_ me out there!" the princess exclaimed as she walked into the kitchen with her mock exhaustion.

"Only because you're great at making sweets." Roy smiled as he dusted powdered sugar over the chocolate brownies.

"You mean _you_ are. I haven't touched a wooden spoon, bowl, or anything sweet in the kitchen since this morning! I don't even _know_ how many girls are here this year!" She tasted some cookie dough that Roy had mixed earlier.

"Peach!" he scolded her before taking the bowl away. She just laughed at the action.

"I can't thank you enough, Roy. You know I'd ask the waddledees to this, but no one outmatches your skill! Well, no one except me, of course." She picked up a tray of tarts.

"Riiiiight. Because no one but you would dump a heart container in a cupcake, Peach." He commented. Peach almost dropped the tray at that. She turned back to look at him with a pout.

"I was tired! Leave me alone." She defended herself by childishly sticking her tongue out.

"Those girls aren't going to wait for those tarts forever." He replied amusedly.

"The heck they won't. I want a break." Peach sighed.

"Kyaaa!" a girl…er…a _bunch_ of girls squealed in high-pitched voices. Peach looked at Roy questioningly, and he shrugged in response. She then walked out of the kitchen with only a tray of tarts to defend her.

And she walked in to see a very confused Ike surrounded by girls with hearts in their eyes. She groaned. This is one the reasons why she didn't let Roy come out of the kitchen when they were selling baked goods.

"Say, what kind of chocolates do you like?" a girl piped up.

"I don't like sweets." He answered blatantly.

"Really? Why not?" the same girl asked.

"I just don't…" He answered.

"What are you doing in a chocolate shop, then? Do you have someone you like?" Another girl chirped.

"Well…" He faltered.

"You do! You totally do! You're blushing!" The same girl.

"Who's the lucky girl?" Another girl.

"Is she really pretty?" Another girl.

"I wish it was me!" Another girl…

"You're cute when you blush!" …

'_Ashera, these girls are worse than Aimee…'_ the mercenary thought to himself as he grew increasingly uncomfortable with their proximity and questions.

"Don't you girls have someone you like?" Peach asked with a raised brow. The girls turned their attention to her, and Ike sighed in relief.

"O-oh right!" one girl had the decency to be embarrassed.

"I wouldn't mind if he got jealous…" another girl commented.

"Who ordered the tarts?" she asked, frown replaced with a bubbly smile. A handful of girls raised their hands.

"Um…I have to talk to Roy." Ike said to her as she walked past him. She turned back to give him an approving look, and he left to the kitchen.

-lalalalalalala

"You want to give something to Marth?" Roy echoed in disbelief.

"Sh – quiet! I don't want those girls outside to hear; what if they turn out to be those weird girls that like drawing pictures about guys doing _that_ kind of stuff together?" Ike wasn't being too quiet himself. "And…yeah, I want to give Marth something, but…I don't know what he likes. To be honest, he kind of scares me…"

"Ha! Well, he has that kind of effect on people since all he ever seems to do is glare nowadays." The boy general chuckled to himself. "But why give something to Marth? You have a crush on him or something?"

Ike remained silent.

"Hm…well, maybe if someone makes him happy, then he'd be less of a dick most of the time. It's too bad he hates sweets, though…" Roy thought out loud.

"He does? But didn't we see him eat that entire cake before Kirby coul-?"

"Yeah, but it wasn't like he enjoyed it or anything. After being pursued by soldiers for most of his life, Marth could hardly afford to be picky. I don't think he likes _anything_ with sugar in it - ! No, wait…" Roy paused to think about it. "I think…yeah, that should work!"

"What? What should work?" Ike all but demanded.

-lalalalalalala

"Ah…it's 6:30! And that's PM, not AM. All right, Roy, you can go. Things always slow down around this time." Peach smiled at him.

"You sure you'll be okay without me?" the boy general teased.

"Hey, I've been handling these girls since _long before_ Melee! I think I'll be fine on my own – thank you very much." She asserted. "By the way, is there any reason Ike was walking out of here with a small smile on his face that made all the girls squeal again?"

"Mm…he's just making a delivery of sorts." Roy said no more than that. He folded up his apron and left the kitchen with a heart-shaped box in his hands.

"You making one yourself?" She eyed the small gift.

"Shouldn't you make sure those pies don't end up burning?" he asked innocently. Peach walked towards the kitchen wondering if Roy's question had any merit before she paused briefly and smirked.

"Giving chocolate to Pit?" She asked his retreating back without turning around. Roy stopped dead in his tracks and blushed.

"M-maybe." He answered before he walked out of the shop and closed the door behind him, not wanting Peach to see the look on his face.

"Tch. Whoever said no one falls in love with Cupid?" The princess scoffed. "Only question is if Cupid likes you back."

-lalalala…I ain't doing this anymore.

He's not going to kid himself and say that it was love at first sight because it wasn't. Heck, he wanted to punch the guy when he first saw him, the angel was annoying to no end! It wasn't as if he was mesmerized by those wings that looked soft to the touch and so delicate yet they were strong enough to lift him into the sky. His heart didn't skip a beat when he looked into those eyes that were in the most cliché way possible blue as the freaking sky and maybe even more so.

Pit did not act like an angel.

He was much too overconfident at times and taunted his opponents so much that Roy wasn't even sure he was watching a fight. And the guy relied far too much on those stupid arrows of his! He hardly ever used his scimitars, and when he did, it was only to do that spinning thing to deflect thrown items.

Pit was cheap.

And he fought dirty.

Although, that might be because of all the time he spent in the Underworld, and he acts like that the most when Dark Pit flew too close to the mansion for his comfort (anywhere within a 10 mile radius). But nevertheless, look like an angel, fight like a demon. Or to one up even that, look like an angel, act like an annoying jerk.

It wasn't like Roy thought Pit sounded like an actual angel. Usually it was a taunt or – rarely – an expletive that came out of Pit's mouth. Maybe it was wrong for them to have all these expectations about a so-called "heavenly being". Pit was still a teenage boy…maybe… No one ever said that angels aged the same as humans…

And St. Elimine, Roy knew he sounded like a twelve year old girl if he ever said what he felt out loud.

Pit did not act like an angel. How could he not act like an angel? He had beautiful wings that were only unmatched by those eyes he had. A voice that could only sound better if he sang with it, and even if he was a coward that did nothing but shoot arrows most of the time, he was still a pretty tough fighter. And Roy found that he really wasn't all that disappointed that Pit didn't act like everyone expected him to because at least Pit kept things interesting.

Between an innocent perfect angel and the annoying loser that Pit is, Roy would've chosen the latter all the same.

It _was_ the latter that he fell in lo-!

IT'S A CRUSH.

Yeah, that's it.

Or so he kept telling himself as he leaned against the hallway with the heart-shaped box of chocolates in his hands.

"Stupid Pit…" he muttered. "I bet he'd just laugh if I gave him this." he adopted that pose that Pit always had. " 'What? Chocolates?' " he imitated Pit's voice. " 'You're not a girl, Roy. Or at least, you should give this to a girl. You got a crush on me or something?' Hmph! You wish…" Roy sighed.

'_And you'd still like him, wouldn't you?'_

Roy threw his hands up in frustration. Then he sighed again.

"Oh, let's just get this over with!" he exclaimed.

"Get what over with?" a voice asked. Roy turned around.

"Hey Marth…" he greeted the older boy half-heartedly.

"You still have that crush?" the ex-prince asked as he eyed the box in Roy's hands.

"Seems pretty obvious, doesn't it?"

"What you see in that prick, I will never understand." He said blatantly. Roy all but cringed at the insult. Sure, he had insulted Pit a million times in his head, but he never did find it enjoyable when someone else did so out loud.

"Did Ike give you the chocolate yet?" the boy general asked curiously.

"What are you talking about?" Marth asked.

"…" Roy remained silent.

"Roy, answer the question."

The boy general ran away for dear life.

"Wha? Roy!"

-so many freaking borders, man…

Palutena watched from her perch in clouds high in the sky. She tsked.

Silly mortals.

-Again? Geez!

The boy general sighed. He hadn't meant to jeopardize the element of surprise on Ike's part. But what took the mercenary so long? Wasn't he supposed to be fearless? But then…it wasn't like Roy was any different… Roy narrowed his eyes.

"All right, I better get this over with, then." He walked around the garden and searched the mansion for the angel half heartedly, but he apparently didn't seem to be anywhere. "Hmm…maybe I won't run into him…"

No such luck!

He found him in the gardens.

The angel was looking up into the sky, seemingly at peace. His wings unfolded behind him in a leisurely manner, looking as soft as ever. The wind gently blew through the laurel leaves tucked in the strands of the angel's hair. The Pheraen had never seen the angel so quiet before.

It reminded him of the reason why he had liked Pit so much in the first place.

Moments like this when…

Roy blushed.

'_Stop acting like a twelve year old girl! Just give the damn candy!'_

"Um…" the sound came out before he could stop it. Pit's wings twitched slightly, and the angel turned around to look at him curiously. Roy couldn't help the blush that spread more intensely with each second. His hands shook slightly, and he did the first thing that came to mind whenever he got nervous.

"Here!" he yelled before chucking the box right at the angel and hit him dead on. It hit Pit with enough force to knock the angel down. It took Roy a few seconds before he realized what happened, and when he did, he did the first thing that came to mind yet again and ran away.

"Ow! What? Roy? Hey, Roy!" Pit called after him. He then looked down at the box of chocolates that nearly knocked him out. "What is this? Throw-sugary-things-at-the-angel day? Why are mortals so weird?" he groaned. Then he paused, his wings stretching out slightly.

'_No, today's an important day, somewhat. C'mon, you researched human culture before! Today's February Fourteen, which is…'_

"Oh…" Pit said out loud as he realized it. "So he…" he laughed. "I didn't know I had that kind of effect on him!"

-Nother border

"How did you know I liked dark chocolate?" Marth asked.

"A red-haired brat told me." Ike responded.

"I'm the only one allowed to call him a brat!" The ex-prince asserted jokingly.

"Happy Valentines Day."

"That's sounds so wrong coming from you."

"…shut up."

"Ike."

"What?"

"Thanks."

-Well, that's one happy ending…

Hoshi: If you want to know what happens next, then read "Happy White Pi Day"


	2. Old Offensive Version

All characters © their respective owners

-ILIKEFLOWERS!

KN: Well, I don't if anyone really liked this or not, but I kept it. Think of it as a "bonus chapter" if you want. This is how the story was originally going to be, but then I thought it was too offensive. You read it and tell me!

-CHOCOLATESAREGOODTOO!

Gods are selfish.

And Pit didn't need to tell Palutena that because maybe deep down, she knew that gods are selfish, and that she too is selfish because she is a goddess, and she is always just a little bit ashamed of it.

But Palutena was better than most; why else had the angel chosen to follow her?

For one thing, she was not Eros.

The lazy god of love who had charged Pit with his job for this Valentines Day because he had "fallen in love" with a mortal woman named Psyche.

But you don't abuse your power so that every man who laid eyes on her start to hate her and kidnap the woman you love and sleep with her and never let her see your face.

Honestly? Pit thought the god of love out of all the other gods would know the difference between love and lust, but why did Eros have to be any different from the others? They fell in lust all the time, and when they fell in lust with a mortal, they raped them.

Because divine beings were above the laws of mortals, so it wasn't "rape," and it was the mortal's fault if they couldn't stop their "rapists."

Pit had always admired his goddess, Palutena, and he had always admired her more when faced with these thoughts.

But that's enough of this rant.

It's time to do a god's work.

-:-

Perched in his sniping position on one of the highest branches that could support his weight, he spied his targets coming into view. Holding hands, the pair looked at each other in their honeymoon-phase-like daze before embracing softly. The angel drew back the bowstring, letting the arrow fly at one and then another at the other. Moments later, the two mortals kissed each other passionately. He sighed.

Mortal love…

Eros's arrows did not only make one fall in love with another or make one hate another, they replenished love. Mortals tended to have short attention spans and even shorter shots of devotion. So when it came time for a couple to experience "falling in love with each all over again," an arrow was shot to make the devotion last longer. At least for a few years or so or even more than that depending on how strong the initial emotion was.

But mortal love lasted longer and was more potent than that of gods… Because gods didn't really love, they lusted, and their affairs end as soon as someone either gets pregnant or that one night stand is over.

Love…

As far as Pit knew, it was only lust in self-denial with heavenly beings, and it was proud lust in beings that dwelled in the Underworld.

He was about to take flight and continue this negative-thoughts-provoking job of his, but felt a tug at his wing. He turned around to see that his appendage had gotten tangled up in the tree branches. Strange, that had never happened before… He pulled on his wing to get it free, but the branches were stubborn. Frowning, he took out his bow only to realize seconds later that the "weapon" he had with him was Eros's bow and not the one that could turn into scimitars. Cursing himself for not bringing Palutena's bow, he pulled frantically at his wing, biting his lower lip as the tree limb scraped against his feathers. He did not want to stay stuck in this tree for the rest of his life!

When he managed to pull it out, the force was too much, and the branch underneath him gave out as he plummeted towards the ground, getting smacked by branches all the way down.

"Ow!" He was hit in the face. "Ah!" He was hit the thigh. "Wha?" Part of his clothing tore. "Ack!" He was hit the stomach before the branch that hit him also broke. "Ugh…!" Another branch scraped against his wing.

'_Palutena! Is this punishment for thinking of the gods so poorly?'_ He thought as another branch hit him in face. _'Please don't let me die…'_ was all he thought before finally, mercifully, he hit the ground. Bruised? Yes. Dead? No. _'Thank Palutena no one saw that…'_

"Hey!" a voice yelled out.

'_Wasn't the tree enough to satisfy your sadistic pleasures?'_ the angel thought as he rubbed his sore thigh.

"Are you okay? You fell from pretty high up." The voice inquired.

"Yes," Pit answered as he looked up, "I'm all ri-?" and was rendered speechless at the sight of the person before him.

Mortal? Perhaps, but then one could never be too sure. The boy was about Pit's height, he was sure, but it never seemed so endearing to the angel before. A long, blue coat and white pants were worn underneath metallic blue armor, and a purple cape framed the boy's lean build. Not wanting to mimic the gods; the angel nearly blushed before he tore his eyes off the person's body and looked up. Short, scarlet locks framed a young face with the softest-looking lips and bluest eyes.

"I don't know; you look like you have bruises everywhere. Are you sure you're okay?" the boy asked, but Pit couldn't be bothered to listen to anything he was saying, staring at the boy's eyes. A little uncomfortable with this, sure, but the boy tried again. "Um...do you care if I take a look?" he leaned in and touched around the angel's wound on his wrist.

Pit snapped out of his daze once he realized _the person was touching him_ and pulled his arm away.

"Don't worry, I'm fine. I…heal quick." He explained. Well, that wasn't the complete truth, but angels did heal pretty quickly when compared to mortals.

"Oh? Well, if you don't want my help, then…" the boy trailed off, the slight hurt lacing the tone a little. "By the way, I'm Roy. If you don't mind my asking, what's your name? I've never seen you around before."

"I'm…uh…" Pit struggled to find the words. Angels weren't really supposed to talk to mortals unless the god that oversaw them gave them permission, but he had already started talking to the mortal instead of having the sense to fly the hell away when he heard the boy's voice, so what could he do now?

'_Apparently the tree was not enough…'_ he thought bitterly.

"Cupit." The words came out before he could stop them. And he mentally slapped himself. "But I prefer just being called Pit." And now he could not stop talking, but at least he wasn't saying something ridiculous.

"Okay. 'Pit,' huh? What brings you here, that is, if you don't mind my asking?" The boy smiled.

'_Palutena, the gods could not smile so radiantly…'_ he thought to himself.

"I'm here on a job…" Pit stopped himself - there was no need to disclose the specifics of said job, right? "…to shoot mortals with arrows." – and still failed miserably.

"Why would you do that?" Roy asked, involuntarily taking a step back.

"Well, I'm the god of love, Cupit, so it is my job to make mortals fall in love by shooting them with my special arrows."

'_Oh Palutena, what in the world have I just done?'_ he was mentally screaming at himself.

An angel lying about being an angel was unacceptable. An angel pretending to be a god was grounds for a unending and painful torture in the Underworld. What made an angel think that he or she could ever be as divine and powerful and _perfect_ as a god? An angel, who was designed after mortals. An angel, who was given wings on a _whim_ because the gods had desired companionship. An angel, _who was every bit as flawed as a mortal_ should not ever have the temerity to think he or she is at the level of a _god_! Pride is a dangerous, dangerous thing, after all…

"Does it hurt?" that soft, deep voice brought Pit back to reality.

"What?"

"When you shoot people with your arrows? Does it hurt them?"

"I had never thought about that. I doubt it hurts them, though, because when I do hit them they usually end up kissing the person they love. Sometimes they even end up in an inn for the whole night." He explained.

"Oh…" Roy chuckled at the implication. "Wait, Pit, if you're a god, then I – a 'mere mortal' – shouldn't keep you from your job."

"I don't mind." Pit said quickly. "Although, I would prefer it if you did not tell others of what I am."

"You can trust me." The boy made a gesture with his hands. Probably a trust thing in his culture….

"And besides, a mere mortal like yourself wasting a few seconds isn't going to deter me."

'_Why did I say that so condescendingly?'_ he thought afterwards.

"Hmph. I suppose if you wanted to, then you could even shoot me just to amuse yourself, right, Mr. 'Almighty Cupit, God of Love'?" the boy laughed.

"Don't be ridiculous! I only use arrows on the mortals that are on my list and need to be shot." And now he was giving away even _more_ information to the mortal… "And besides, I don't need to use arrows on you in any case." He took a step forward, leaning in closer to the boy. "If I wanted you, then I would take you." he said in a low tone.

'_Why can I not control myself? Where did that line come from? Palutena, if this is punishment for pretending to be a god, then be merciful and send me to the Underworld for torture already!'_ he prayed.

But Roy didn't seem uncomfortable with Pit's proximity or his blatant pick-up line. Those blue eyes simply narrowed in amusement as he smiled.

"Is that so?" he asked playfully. "Don't think I'm an easy target, Mr. God. I don't fall so easy."

'_Are you trying to seduce me? Or are you just playing along?'_

"I may not be wasting your time, but I have to be somewhere too. Make sure you finish your job." Roy smiled as he was leaving the area. "And maybe…I'll see you again?" the question sounded hopeful or maybe it was Pit's mind giving him mixed signals….

"Count on it. I'll be back for your heart, mortal."

"I'd like to see you try." Roy challenged as he laughed and left.

Pit then slapped himself as soon as he was sure Roy was gone.

"What is _wrong_ with you? To lose control of yourself over a mortal – yes, a _beautiful radiant mortal that rivaled the perfection of a god_ – but still a mortal nonetheless!" He cursed his luck. Why oh why had he met the most enchanting person he had ever met, and why couldn't the person have been an angel? He wanted to punch something, but denied himself the luxury.

There was still a god's work to do…

-:-

Exhausted, he flopped down on Eros' bed. It's not like the god would care since he was probably sleeping with Psyche anyway.

'_The whole time, the _whole_ time, I couldn't stop thinking about him…'_ Frustrated, he turned over and pushed himself up off the bed. He placed the god's bow on the table near the bed and was about to leave when the door opened.

"Ah, Pit! How was the work? I hope it did not drain you too much." Eros said with that damn sparkling smile only gods had and used.

"Hitting targets with a bow is not really 'work' for me. It is an honor to complete a task for you, Eros." Not really, but there was no need to say it aloud.

"Did you enjoy yourself?" he smirked.

"What makes you ask that, my lord?" the angel asked cautiously. One always had to be careful around gods.

"Do not play around, Pit; I am being serious. I have seen that look on countless faces, and I know what it is when I see it. Who is the lucky lady that has snagged your heart?" the god asked more than demanded.

"Er…what…?" Pit asked. Perhaps he wasn't hearing right since he had fallen out of that tree?

"Oh wait! It was not a lucky lady, but a lucky boy, am I correct?"

"Wha…? Eros! Were you spying on me?" Pit all but demanded. It didn't matter that Eros probably knew that Pit had lied about being a god because if he was being sent to the Underworld, then he would give this god a piece of his mind before he fell. "Did you lie about taking care of Psyche too?" The god's eyes narrowed.

"Do not speak her name." the cold command stopped any more words from coming out of Pit. "She betrayed my trust, and I do not wish to speak of it now." The chill in the air dissolved as Eros smiled again. "And now, what are you going to do about Roy?"

Pit frowned. Gods always used their powers when push came to shove even though they _already_ always used them on their many whims.

"He is mortal-."

"That does not stop us." Eros said in an almost bored tone.

"Perhaps he does not fancy m-?"

"If he did not then he would not speak to you so seductively."

"Seducti-?"

"You cannot be so blind, Pit…" Eros resisted the urge to facepalm. It wasn't a dignified enough action for a god.

"I…"

"And since you took over my job for me for the day, I will allow you to use an arrow to make this boy yours if you wish." The god offered.

"Absolutely not." Pit said in a firm tone.

"Very good, Pit. After all, beings like us do not need to resort to using poison to win our prey. I am sure that he is most likely falling in love with you already."

Just like a god. So self-absorbed in their "perfection" that when a mortal did not reciprocate their lust, their incredulity makes them wrathful.

"I did not hit him with an arrow. I doubt that he could fall in love with me so quickly."

"Have you never heard of love at first sight?" the god sighed. "If you do not want to pursue him, then I will give you this piece of information as a reward instead."

"Why thank you, my lord." Pit said sarcastically before he could stop himself.

"You are very lucky that I am fond of you, Pit. I doubt Palutena could protect you if the other gods heard about your little stunt with Roy."

The angel's eyes widened. That's right, Eros _did_ know that Pit pretended to be a god.

"But of course, if she has me on her side, then they cannot hurt you. They know better than to go against me, after all." When your weapon can make you fall in love with a rock and make you make a fool of yourself, then no, other gods did not mess with you. "Now are you going to take this information and do something useful with it or am I wasting my time?"

"…what do you have for me, my lord?" he answered in a resigned manner.

"Wonderful. Apparently, this 'Roy' lives somewhat nearby, and he is signed up for a…tournament of sorts. So you yourself could probably sign up as well." Eros said.

"A tournament?" the angel echoed.

"We gods are not as bad as you think, Pit. Now what will you do with this information?" Eros asked.

-:-

A tournament like this was something Pit had not expected to see. There were plumbers and a doctor and princesses and Palutena-what-do-you-call-those? in this strange room signing up for the next tournament that was dubbed "Brawl." Pit shuffled nervously with the application papers in his hands glancing around at the other fighters. He openly gawked at a round, pink creature that was writing 'Kirby' on a sheet of paper before a round, blue creature walked towards it and wrote other things on the paper.

"Pit? Is that you?" and there was that voice again. Pit turned around to see Roy running towards him. "Well, who else has white wings like you? Have your bruises gotten better? Are you signing up for 'Brawl' too?"

"Last time I checked only I had white wings like this, and I already told you that I heal fast. As for this tournament…well, is it any fun?" the angel asked.

"Are you bored with your job of shooting mortals?" Roy laughed. "Well, I doubt it'd be fun for a god. You'd probably wipe the floor with everyone here unless Master Hand decides you have to hold back or something…"

"Master Hand?" Pit echoed absentmindedly. "Erm…Roy, about the 'god' thing…"

"Oh right. I still won't tell anyone; don't worry about it."

"No…I mean…I'm not a god, I'm an angel." He confessed.

"That's good." Roy replied cheerily.

"What?"

'_Did you not hear me? I did lie to you, you know.'_

"I feared that 'Mr. God' would compel me to fall in love with him, but since 'Mr. God' is just an angel, he no longer has that power."

"If I wanted you, I could still take you." the angel said before he could stop himself.

"I doubt it." Roy challenged.

"Are you flirting with me?"

_Silence._

"Flirting?"

"The way you talk and all…I was wondering…"

"If I liked men?" Roy asked with what Pit thought was disgust in his voice. "I thought you were just joking around. I had a friend who talked to me the way a guy would talk to a girl he liked, but I'm not exactly into guys. Were you-?"

"No. I was actually scared I'd have to turn you down…" he lied. It looks like even Eros was wrong sometimes.

"As if I'd ask you out!" Roy said in a playful tone, but Pit couldn't help feeling hurt. "Even though you're not a god, you sure think highly of yourself, Pit. Let's see if you fight as good as you play around, huh?"

"I'll see you in 'Brawl,' mortal." Pit laughed.

-:-

_Three months passed…_

He hadn't seen Roy in a couple of weeks, so he had hoped that Marth would know where he had gone. The two were usually together, not that it ever bothered Pit. Although, he did question the way Marth glared at him sometimes.

He didn't expect this…

"What is the meaning of this, Master Hand?" Marth demanded. The hand stayed in its place looking as though Marth was no threat to him, and it was the truth.

Pit waited outside the door. Marth was so delicate looking, and yet the mortal still dared to challenge the hand, whose power rivaled the gods? That kind of temerity was only present in mortals. He envied the ex-prince; after all, he could only obey them since he was so close to their watch. And even if he did rebel, he would be struck down without a thought, but mortals either didn't seem to know how easily they could be crushed or they didn't care.

"What is the meaning of what, Marth?"

"YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!" The prince's voice was much too loud for the comfort of Pit's ears. "Why did you cut Roy from Brawl?"

'_What?'_

"It was not my decision, but if I were to make the decision, then I would've made the same one. Ike and Pit are simply more popular than Roy." The hand said calmly.

'…_!'_

"And you're saying that you couldn't fit Roy in, why?"

"There's a set number of spots to fill, Marth. Roy just didn't make the cut. Deal with it."

The next sound Pit could hear was the sound of a desk being torn apart. It was not just broken, it was being broken in such a methodic and violent fashion that Pit wasn't sure when it would end. Then he heard glass break before Marth threw the door open and left Master Hand's office directing a glare at him.

And to be honest, Pit did not blame him.

He heard a sigh and turned to look at the hand in the room. It snapped its fingers, and the remains of what used to be a desk and window disappeared, replaced with new furniture.

"Are you here to complain too?" it asked Pit. The angel looked down.

"I could, but Marth set the bar too high. How do you expect me to top that?" he said half-seriously.

"The decision was made. You can accept it or not. It's your choice." The hand said almost monotonously. Was it capable of feeling tired? It sure sounded like it.

"And I accept. You look like you've had your fair share of trouble already. I don't want to add onto it." Pit said in resignation. "I could ask that you include Roy in your next tournament, but you probably wouldn't make that decision anyway."

"If I could, I wouldn't cut anyone out from the next tournament, but I don't make those decisions. And besides, there are a set number of spots to fill…" the hand said almost sadly.

This hand was the closest thing to a god in this tournament, and Pit had already liked him better than most other gods. But not more than Palutena, of course!

"Marth, put the sword down!"

"I'll kill you, Ike!"

"What the heck did I do?"

The voices sounded like they were coming from the other wing in the mansion.

Master Hand sighed.

And Marth was the closest thing to a demon that defied appearance in this tournament, but he still was not as bad as the Eggplant wizard!

_Three months passed…_

Eros had attempted to 'help' Pit by 'coercing' Master Hand into including Roy in Brawl.

Surprisingly, Master Hand did not have to do anything to defend himself.

Crazy Hand - who Pit always thought was a cheerful, carefree, and somewhat…unhinged floating white gloved hand – had instantly turned deadly against the god of love.

"_You will not go against us if you wish to stay a god."_

It still gave Pit chills when he heard the hand speak that way after it snapped the arrow before the god could even take it out of the quiver. Even Eros did not have the gall to continue a fight with a creature like that.

"_Hmph. I suppose if you wanted to, then you could even shoot me just to amuse yourself, right, Mr. 'Almighty Cupit, God of Love'?" the boy laughed._

But it wasn't like he didn't appreciate the effort.

"_We gods are not as bad as you think, Pit."_

For once, he wasn't selfish.

But that was only one time!

And the fact that Eros was flirting with Palutena as she tended his wounds was not helping the god's image…

_Three months passed…_

Pit touched around the wounds on his legs as Dr. Mario and Nurse Peach went to get bandages.

For a delicate looking man, Marth certainly had one hell of a kick! The man never held back against Pit or Ike, and he wiped the floor with them every time. Pit considered himself lucky that he didn't get it as bad as Ike did. But the way that Marth had fought them and looked at them, you would think that he blamed them for killing his parents or something!

But he knew better.

He didn't know what Roy meant to Marth to make him so hateful towards him and Ike, but it must've been more than just friends. What else could it be? The ex-prince either avoided him or glared at him and when they fought, Pit was just glad that Brawl had this strange magic that didn't let swords cut skin or he would've been dead a thousand times over! Thank goodness Master Hand could limit Marth's challenges to him and Ike to once every three weeks!

And yet, Pit couldn't help but smirk.

Marth could beat the living hell out of him all he wanted, but he would _never_ give Roy up to him.

That is, if Roy would ever even come back…

"_As if I'd ask you out!"_

Pit sighed.

'_Why must I always think about him?'_ he wondered.

Did Marth feel this way about Roy?

Did Marth even know that Roy wasn't interested in guys?

Did Roy flirt with him too?

How many guys does Roy play around with?

He bit his lower lip as Dr. Mario tied the knot on the bandages.

Was he being jealous? Possessive, even? And over a boy that he had no real claim to? A boy that wasn't even all that into guys in the first place?

"You're free to go, Pit." Nurse Peach said cheerily.

Love…

To heavenly beings, it was lust in denial.

To beings that dwell in the Underworld, it was a proud lust.

To mortals, it was a poison…

A very…_very_ obsessive poison…

_Three months passed…_

Eros had patched things up with Psyche, and they were…making up…for this Valentines Day, so Pit was doing his job yet again.

He sighed.

"Pit!" and now he was hearing things that sounded an awful lot like Roy… "Pit, is that you?" he turned around and his jaw dropped. "What's wrong? Did you think I was dead or something?"

"Roy?" the two turned to see Marth running towards them. "What are you doing back here?" the ex-prince pulled him into a hug as Pit frowned at the sight.

"I need a reason now?" Roy asked.

"Did Master Hand change his mind?" the ex-prince's voice softened.

"I wish. Sorry, I'm only here to visit. Master Hand said something about you trying to kill off some of the newcomers and that it's my job to placate you." he laughed. "Is it working?"

"Hmph! The nerve of that floating dismembered limb! Oh well…it's good to see you again, Roy! Hard to believe it's been a year."

"I know! I still haven't gotten any taller, though…"

"You're doomed to a life of never reaching the top shelf." The ex-prince joked.

"Well, you haven't gotten any taller either!" the general pouted.

"But I don't need any more inches…unlike somebody we both know…"

Marth seemed so…_happy_…with Roy. Happier than he ever was the whole time Pit had lived here! Watching them 'fight' made Pit felt like he was intruding on their…relationship…

'_More than friends?'_ he wondered and frowned.

He stopped.

He still had a god's work to do…

-:-

Working down his list, he glanced at Roy's name and ignored it.

All the happy couples seemed to taunt him. Because the love they had would never be his.

Could he really bring himself to take an arrow, hit Roy with it, and then watch the boy fall all over himself on some girl? Or maybe it was Marth even? He looked enough like a girl!

No.

He would deal with that last.

And then he would fight a match with Marth and let the ex-prince beat this stupid feeling out of him.

The feeling that wouldn't let him think about anything else other than Roy.

The feeling that made him consider abusing his power and make Roy fall in love with him.

The feeling that was nothing but poison in his veins.

He looked at the next item in his list and nearly fell out of the sky.

'_T-this can't be right!'_ he thought to himself as he stared at the list. Was this a mistake? Did Eros write it down when he was out of it and happily in love with Psyche?

Taking a deep breath, Pit calmed himself down and smiled.

He had work to do!

-:-

"Where. Is. Roy?" Marth demanded the taller, blue mercenary.

"How should I know?" Ike snapped back.

"I'm asking you because maybe you replaced him again."

"For the last time, Marth, I didn't _ask_ to replace your damn boyfriend!"

"Boyfriend?" Marth echoed. "Are you high or something?"

"No, I'm on the ground. And yeah, I said 'boyfriend'! Have you seen the way you look at that kid?"

"Ike-." Marth said, but the mercenary just kept going.

"That's not exactly how a 'friend' is supposed to look at him, you know!"

"He's not my boyfriend, you idiot." He said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world that didn't need to be said.

"Then what is he to you if you keep trying to kill me and Pit over replacing him?"

"He's like a little brother, and you actually thought that I… You're disgusting." The ex-prince said bluntly.

"Wha? You don't try to kill two people over replacing someone who's like a kid brother to you!" Ike threw his hands up.

"Well obviously, you've never been to Altea."

"Is everyone in Altea as crazy as you?" The mercenary sighed.

"I'm considered stable by their standards. Besides if I wanted to kill you, then I would've done it; I'm not scared of two giant floating hands."

"Do you get a kick out of seeing me suffer or something?"

"What can I say? You amuse me."

"Wait, what about Pit then?"

"I just don't like him."

"…" Needless to say, Ike was surprised by the immediate answer.

"Have you seen the way he looks every time I mention Roy? Probably thinking lewd thoughts every time he has that stupid look too…"

"Again with Roy! He's all you ever talk about!"

"The way you say that, one would think you were jealous." Marth almost laughed.

"Maybe because I am…" Ike muttered. Marth blinked. The next thing the mercenary knew, the ex-prince was on top of him and practically crushing his lips against his. "Mmm! Mar…! Wha-?"

"Shut up." The ex-prince ordered before kissing the boy underneath him again.

Pit had flown into the scene, and he nearly fell out of the sky; shock and disbelief all over his face. Luckily, he had not, otherwise, he didn't think Marth would appreciate him ruining the moment…

'_Looks like I don't need to use an arrow after all…'_ he thought to himself as he left the area after Ike moaned Marth's name rather loudly… _'Of course…that just leaves Roy now…'_

-:-

Selfish? Yes, angels could be selfish too. But that's not how he would finish his job.

He could do this.

He could…

No!

He couldn't! He wouldn't stand to see Roy with some girl! He wouldn't even be able to put the damn arrow in the bow! He might even miss on purpose!

And he was no better than the gods he had thought so poorly of!

"Pit! There you are!" And now the mission he had dreaded would have to come to a close. "I was looking everywhere for you, you know."

"Really? Why?" Pit asked.

"To give you this." Roy said as he held up a bow.

A really, truly, god awful looking bow… If Pit flew in with a bow like that, he would be laughed at by his opponent. If Pit used a bow like that, it would snap, and then he would have to throw the broken pieces at his opponent. Where did Roy even get such a terrible-looking weapon?

"Um…you don't expect me to use it, do you?"

"Is Mr. 'God' too good to use a bow made by a mere mortal?"

"Will you never let that go?" Pit almost laughed.

"For your information, I went through a lot for this." The boy general said matter-of-factly. "I asked my friend about what kind of bows are useful, and he said that if I was going to get someone a bow, then I should make it myself because it'd be more special that way. Of course, he never told me how much trouble it was to make these things! I can only hope the trees of Pherae will forgive me."

"Wait…you made this for me?" Pit asked as he took the god awful bow.

"Happy Valentines Day." Roy smiled.

"Why would you go to so much trouble? Were chocolates too expensive or something?"

"Too be honest, I'm not all that fond of sweets, and…I'm not into guys, but I really like you." Roy blushed.

'…_this had better not be a dream, or so help me, Eros will suffer for this.'_

"Are you in shock?"

_Silence._

"…I'm sorry if that made you uncomfortable. I should've guessed you were straight… I'll just-!" Roy was about to leave when Pit grabbed his wrist.

"Didn't I tell you that I didn't need arrows?"

The angel easily picked him up bridal style before he took to the sky.

"Whoa!" was all Roy could say as they got off the ground. "Pit? What are you-?"

"I said that if I wanted you, I would take you, and right now, I really want you."

As Roy kissed him, Pit's list fell to the ground, the last name of the person to shoot and the person they would love remained uncrossed:

Roy – Pit

-HAPPYVALENTINESDAY!

KN: SEE I TOLD YOU IT WAS OFFENSIVE! Anyway, here's the original author comments:

"KN: I wanted to write an implied Seme MarthXIke and an implied Seme PitXRoy, and this was what came out… Yeah… This is all your fault, Hoshi.

Hoshi: And I'm damn proud of it too.

KN: Happy Valentines Day. Oh, and when Pit says "want you" and "take you," those are not implications for sex. They just got together, so why would they even do that on their first 'date.' Also, Marth and Ike are just making out, so they're not doing anything either.

Hoshi: …I swear you just want me to write a lemon, don't you?

KN: Trivia is that I actually got to the fourteenth page in Microsoft Word with this story. And I need to stop writing yaoi for this fandom..."


End file.
